TRUST

If any of you have lived with children - be it nieces and nephews or kids of your own - you know that although much hard work and a large amount of selflessness goes into caring for them, they are an absolute blast to be around (or maybe I feel this way because I'm the fun aunt). I live with my sister, her husband, and their four kids. It can get crazy at times; I wish I could take a photo because Loren my 1 1/2 year old nephew is literally sitting on my iPad screen as I type. 

Kellan is the oldest of the 4 kids and I recently taught him the "do you trust me?" game. You all know the game; one person stands a few feet back and the other person must stand straight and fall back, hoping the friend is a nice friend and will catch them before the fall. It can be rather frightening but as soon as you gain trust in that person, it gets much easier to play the game. 

However, after I taught this game to Kellan, I realized that there is a very vital part of this game that I didn't make a point to tell him. We all know that the very most important part of this game is to make sure that all parties know that they are playing the game. It is so very crucial that the person falling, asks if the other person will catch them. I don't need to explain what happened when Kellan decided to play this game without letting me know. 

But Kellan showed me something that day that I have struggled to learn in my own life with Christ. Trust. Because Kellan and I had payed this game before and I caught him, he put all of his trust in me the next time he decided to play. Kellan knew that I would never let him fall and now he understands that as long as we both know that we are playing, he can trust me.

A lot like our relationship with Christ. The best way to get through life's curve balls is to remember who you know Christ to be. Don't let your situation or what you see to change what you know about Christ. Sometimes it's difficult to say "I trust you and your goodness" because we may not see how things are ever going to get better. 

But what would happen the next time things don't go according to plan, instead of stressing over where your next step will be, you remember that He instructs us and teaches us in the way we should go, that He will guide us with His eye. (Ps 32:8)

How about the next time you are hard on yourself because you made a mistake and you try to fix it alone, remember that He cares for us and actually asks us to release our anxiety to Him (1 Peter 5:7).  

We already know the truth about Christ and the moment we decided to follow Him, we gave him our past life, our current situation, and the unknown future. We cannot pick and choose what we want to faithfully give to the Lord based on how easy it is to do. As Christians, sometimes the hardest thing to do is actually believe what we proclaim. I cannot tell you how many times I have said "I know you will provide for me Lord" and yet that very same day will be tormented  because I don't know how I will get the support I need. 

Recently I have been forcing myself to say the promises I know about a Christ out loud because it has been difficult to trust Him in this season. There is power in verbalizing who Christ is.

My challenge for you is two fold:

1. Take time this week to focus on the promises of God; what He promises to be for us and do for those who follow Him. 

2. Trust Him with everything, every worry, every bill, every anxious thought...seriously give it all to Him, He can handle it. 

But First ___

Man I love shopping. I'm not sure what has gotten into me lately because I used to get so irritated when my friends wanted to go shopping; its stressful and I have no sense of style. Nowadays however, you will find me in Target multiple times a week pacing through almost every isle two or three times looking for something, anything to buy. Somehow I can so easily convince myself that I absolutely need another running zip-up (to wear to Saturday morning coffee, obviously..who runs anyways?) or another jean vest even though I have 4, literally 4 hanging in my closet as we speak. Actually no, I know exactly why I've been a shopaholic lately, a little three letter word that has forever wrecked me; t-i-p-s. You think each night when you walk away with 30 dollars in ones that you are actually going to save it when in reality it is the easiest cash to spend and the fastest way to burn a hole in your pocket, or if you're me, in your new leather purse that was on sale.

Anyways tonight was date night with my good friend and we each ended up spending more money than we wanted but it really was so much fun and thats a good enough excuse. We shopped, we dined, and we caught a movie (if you haven't seen "About Time" stop everything you're doing and go see it). I bought some pretty cute shoes and Im not going to take them off ever. Only to take this picture of them so you can all see.

I almost put them on right there in the store after I bought them but stopped and thought, "No don't. First find a cute outfit so that when you wear them for the first time it will be special" and "No, first wait until you can wear them with socks so you won't stink them up like you always do." This indeed was good advice to myself and it also was perfectly fitting for what I wanted to blog about today.

When I was 14 years old, I felt a stir in my heart to do missions work. Ever since then I have had this mentality: "Yes I want to do missions work so badly, but first ___" First I need to get through high school, first I need to get my degree, first I need to become an intern at my church, first I need to become a licensed pastor, first I need to get my masters degree and on and on. While all of these things were so meaningful and beneficial, I'm afraid that mentality kept me from focusing on the present. I was so committed and unwavering in this call on my life which I truly do believe honored the Lord, but I missed out on incredible opportunities to meet people right in my city, in my workplace, and even my school. I was waiting to find that perfect outfit before I would wear the shoes.

Now at this point if you are imagining me as an old hobbit stuck in my cottage dreaming about the future and not making anything out of life you are wrong. I was out working hard and keeping busy so that I could one day go and be successful overseas. But what if, what if I would have given 100 % of my focus to the people and the circumstances around me? Would I have a different perspective, a stronger burden for the lost right here in Seattle? Probably.

This idea of "living in the moment"  is not new to me. In fact, while in Indonesia a few years back, I was staying with a family and in the daughter's room that I stayed in was a message scribbled on her mirror, "Wherever you are be all there". I knew then that it was a difficult request to ask of someone. I had longed so deeply for so long to go and live overseas someday that I did not allow myself to fully love the people around me today. Why would He give me such a desire to go but ask me to fully be present where I was? 

Here is what Ive learned just recently and it's such great news! You can have the best of both worlds (plug for Miley Cyrus, you're welcome). I believe that since I have learned to really truly be present right where I'm at, even though it is not where I dreamed of being, I'm preparing myself for the day I do go to work overseas, this is training grounds and each task given to me here, I believe is preparation for the future. 

It's funny how the things in life you find yourself pondering about are the very same things that many other people are thinking about too and perhaps what the Lord is fine tuning in the hearts of many. Pastor Carl Lentz spoke on this very same idea of operating to the fullest in whatever "street" or "neighborhood" you find yourself occupying. "follow the mundane and the spectacular will start to happen." I love that. it has been so true in my life that the moment I take my mind off my own problems and frustrations about where Im not, and put that energy and time on people around me who actually have never met Jesus or experienced hope, those frustrations vanish. What once seemed mundane and ordinary has become the most important part of my life; people. 

So here's my challenge to you, don't wait for your dreams to be fulfilled until you start doing things that matter for the Kingdom, don't hold your breath until you have reached your destination. There is so much that can happen in the journey along the way, so many wonderful people that have yet to encounter Jesus and so many things that can be strengthened in you. Don't walk around with that "but first ___" mentality where you cant go forward until everything is just right. Go and live now, Christ is willing and ready to give you purpose wherever you are!

Weekends For Days

What's today, Friday? I can't keep track these days. In fact, I was in Costco with my sister, her one million kids, and my mom the other day and as we were walking away from the sample table, the sample lady (not sure what her respectable title is so we will keep that) who had kept us there all too long chatting about which flavored butter would taste better on grilled cheese sandwiches (which by the way they ALL would...it's BUTTER) said, "Happy Friday" to us as we walked away. I was taken back a bit because I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a weekend.

The fact of the matter is, every day for the last 3 months have taken on weekend-like qualities, i.e. late nights, late mornings, Netflix in bed, snacks in bed (don't judge we've all done it), manicures with besties, movies at 2 am, etc. I don't keep track of the days because I don't have to. there is no separation between working and resting, IT'S ALL RESTING, AND ITS GLORIOUS. Summer break rolled right into fall break, which transitioned to winter break and here I am, still "breaking". The absolute best part of these glorious three months is that I have not been in school. Yes you heard me, I'm too cool for school. This last summer I graduated from Northwest University with my Masters in Elementary Education and the year before, my degree in Intercultural Studies.

So yes you've guessed it, life's been a joy ride recently because of the regained freedom I now have, which had so quickly vanished from my fingers the moment I enrolled in, well elementary school. But that's beside the point. The point is that Ive had a lot of extra time to do some thinking. It has been both exhausting and eye-opening. Ive had the time to think about things that Ive never thought deeply about before, like adulthood...what is that anyway? And why did I think I was prepared for it? This blog may reveal some not so lovely feelings about the last three months that I have had the privilege of dealing with (yes I said privilege, we will address this later). Some of these feelings I know are unique to my life and my situation, but others, I guarantee about 92% of college grads have experienced and have lied to you and told you that they have not felt them, that everything is just peachy keen. It is not fine, they are lying to you.

However this blog is more than just an outlet for my negative pouty feelings, an electronic diary if you will. I'm learning fascinating things about myself and discovering heaps about Christ and His never-ending goodness. The truth is I'm an out-loud thinker. Ask anybody who has known me for more than three minutes, they will tell you that I don't need another human in the room to engage in conversation. I can break the ice, engage in a topic, analyze, problem solve, and come up with some conclusion without a single word being uttered from the second party. So in a way this blog will allow me to organize some of that confusing over-thinking I do and keep it out of our dinner parties. You're welcome friends. I hope you will be encouraged as I have been.