This post is going to be less organized than the last three because as I'm sitting here writing this one, I'm actually processing thoughts that I haven't processed fully yet. I have some tough questions that I've been asking myself recently and this post will hopefully help me come to some conclusions or maybe just confuse me more. Regardless, if you're looking for bullet points and a nice clean cut off at the end you won't find that here.
The more time I spend with Jesus, the more I realize how much of my relationship must be built upon faith. Just when I think I understand His plans, just when I think I know His next move, things change. Well actually things probably don't change according to Him, but what I was expecting to happen is different from what did. What I've noticed is that the closer I get with Christ, the more stock I put in what I think is His plan is for me. This is where I have gone wrong. When Christ called us to follow Him, He never said focus your time on what you think will happen and hold tight to when you think it will. He said to commit my work to Him, and then my plans will be established.
Commiting my work to Him means that whatever I'm doing; if I'm across the world where I want to be or if I'm right here, I'm mindful of that call to show His love. I was recently talking with a youth leader that I had in high school and we talked about how as a teenager, I probably put too much of my time and energy focusing on where I would be one day. I was expecting to go and do what I felt Him calling me to do. But what I lacked was a desire to live and enjoy life right where I was. Do you know how hard that has been to accept? I have always walked through life knowing just where I would be in the days ahead and certain that I was doing everything right to get there. So then why did He not fulfill that promise yet? Were all of those years a waste? I don't know.
These past few months, as I have taken the presure off of myself and God to make something happen that I have envisioned for years, I have had some of the most incredible conversations with people I would have NEVER expected. Conversations that would not have happened if I was teaching in Indonesia. These conversations happened because I found myself caught up in Jesus and not in my future plans. Don't narrow your life down to what you want to happen or what you think will happen. Leave it wide open for new opportunities and encounters that you wouldn't have in your downright craziest dreams.
So is expecting and believing for the future wrong? Is it not okay to hope for and speak about the plans you know God has for you? Absolutely not. It is however, important to be mindful of the fact that we are not in control. I want to be someone who expects greatness to flow from a life lived with Christ, but not someone who is disappointed when it's not how I envisioned it. Everyday is worth living if it involves sharing His love and telling His story.
Thanks for reading
